Brothers and sisters, I have seen the light… I have turned from my ignorant and wicked ways and become a member of this guy’s church.
Our key tenets:
- Crescent moons are evil. (Really, you must scroll down and look at the pictures.)
- A man’s we-wee [sic] retracts into his body during the crescent moon of October ("holloweeny") unless he engages in practices resulting in "seed loss."
- GE, inflatable churches, the Pope, Cheerios and Luna Bars are also evil.
- Sleep deprivation and unmedicated schizophrenia are valuable tools for creating a new translation of the Bible.
I know what this fellow says is true, because he has seen God (or was it Satan? he’s a little unclear). Unfortunately, I cannot contact him and thank him for setting me on the path to eternal righteousness, since he has not had access to e-mail since January 2003.
Hallelujah and pass the potato salad!