19 days ’til I’m an old woman

but I won’t wear purple, dammit. Pink’s good enough for the likes of me.

So my friends who know I’m turning thirty and pretty peeved about it are of two minds: (1) they’re not thirty yet but they will be soon, and they understand why I feel like my life is over, or (2) they’re already in their thirties (or older) and keep saying annoying things like "honey, life begins at thirty!"

Yep. Life. Apparently hasn’t begun yet. Is probably going to be filled, as were my late twenties, with the slow relinquishment of one dream after another and the continuing expansion of my waistline beyond all reasonable capacity.


Screw thirty. It sucks. Or it will.

About Molly Newman

Writer, cook and trivia/spelling bee hostess, living it up in North Portland.
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10 Responses to 19 days ’til I’m an old woman

  1. Elaine says:

    Try 35, then get back to me.

  2. Nancy (scrappyknees) says:

    I prefer to approach birthdays, especially the “significant ones,” as reason to celebrate. As in, “Yes! I made it to 30! Woohoo!”
    What’s wrong? Too perky? 🙂
    Happy birthday, Molly.

  3. Jen says:

    Oh, dear, we need to go out for drinks and talk this over… you are so wrong! The 20s are a waste, 30 is awesome… I’m leaving thirty behind this month. But maybe not. Maybe I’ll stay back and keep you company 😉
    Last year when I turned 30 my three friends took me out to dinner and told me that 30 is the new 25. But then they went into some strange left field where 35 is the new 21 and 40 is just 30 over again, so I think 31 is 15 1/2 by their math.
    30 is about dreaming new dreams, dreams that really matter. You’re in your life now, it’s about now. Everything before was just practice. When you were 9, you probably wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid, and maybe you got one. But by the time you were twelve, you would rather they had just saved the cash for you. 30 is like that. I wish I had all that cash back, is all.
    So happy birthday! In advance.

  4. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my birthday…it should last a week with everyone bowing at my feet…BUT, my 30th sucked.There’s always something about decade markers that make us go a little off kilter. I was married to the most dysfunctional rectal orifice ever born (truly the spawn of satan) I was a new mother (this also explains Annie’s poor gene pool and her explosive nature)…tired, nursing, and very aware that the marriage was a joke. He ordered pizza and beer, invited all of his friends, hired a clown to do magic tricks (I HATE clowns!)…all of which showed up unexpectedly around 9 at night. If I had a baseball bat I would’ve used it…I was so unglued, hormonal.
    I chose to do something outrageous just for me…In the next couple of days, I expressed enough for a day’s worth of bottles (gasp), hired a sitter and went to the only nude beach I new of…As I lay there in the sun, in my birthday suit, beach breeze blowing, I made life plans.
    Be outrageous Molly…Happy Birthday…good, bad and ugly.

  5. Mimi says:

    Well, what can I say – I fell off a fence two weeks after my 30th birthday and broke my ankle. Something about brittle bones, I guess!
    Seriously, have a fabulous birthday and enjoy your thirties – much better than the alternative, I say!

  6. Elaine says:

    When I was about 30, I asked a doctor about a suspicious mole, and she had the gall to shrug and say, “Age spot.”
    I almost KILLED her on the spot………

  7. Melissa in SC says:

    Hah! I guess I’m a late bloomer. 30 rocked. I turned 40 two months ago. Now that sucks.
    Have a happy one. Seriously. Think of it this way. 30 is cool if Red Molly does it. 🙂

  8. Gwyn says:

    Um, Molly, I’ll grant you not one single whit of sympathy here. Not one iota. You’re talking to a woman who wears purple and read with PRIDE!
    Happy Birthday, girl. Ah, to be 30 again!

  9. t says:

    no shit man. i have a few more years to go though. thank god.

  10. Cosy says:

    I’ll be 35 next month (yikes!) and all I have to say is when I turned 30 I finally lost that “caring about what people think of me” feeling. I’m so much more comfortable with myself the way I am than I was in my 20s. So it isn’t THAT bad! But I’m really dreading 40! Have a great birthday!

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