Social Impairment: a problem in need of a telethon

Do you ever just have the itching troublesome knowledge that someone with whom you need to get along just doesn’t like you, and you aren’t sure why or what to do about it? Are you never quite sure if people are actually glad you’re there, or just putting up with you for the sake of politeness? In the last month, have there been more than three occasions when you clammed up because you had absolutely no idea what to say?

Your problem might have a name, and that name might be Social Impairment (SI).

People with SI are like other people in most ways. They eat, go to the bathroom, have sexual urges and may even hold gainful employment. But these everyday tasks (except for maybe going to the bathroom) are difficult for SI sufferers to complete. Imagine trying to have a meal in a restaurant with the feeling that every bite you take is too big, the entree you ordered is completely inappropriate and everyone in a fifty-foot radius is staring at you. Or picture yourself stumbling around your office in a daze, not sure if people’s friendly jokes are just offhand comments or really reflect a deep irritation with you and your general incompetence. But if someone would just tell you what’s going on… or better yet, if you could just look it up in a nice impersonal Wikipedia-type atmosphere… you’d know how to respond with alacrity and wit to any troubling social situation.

For billions and billions of Americans, the nightmare of SI is an everyday reality. Someone with SI could be your neighbor… your child… or it could even be you. Don’t let this problem continue unchecked. Call today with your generous donation. 63% of your gift will go directly to the establishment of a Web site containing analysis of, and suggested behavior in, over 15,000 potentially awkward or unsettling interpersonal scenarios. (The other 34% has been earmarked for the RedMolly Wine and Remedial Arithmetic Fund.) And when you call right now, you’ll not only get free one-year access to this valuable resource, you’ll also get your choice of a fetching baseball cap or a rather tent-like T-shirt emblazoned with the slogan "SI: It’s like ED without the squishiness, or RLS without the utter pointlessness, or SIS with one letter fewer." Or, really, we’ll put whatever you want on it. That’s the joy of CafePress.

Operators are standing by. Make a difference in the life of an SI sufferer today.

About Molly Newman

Writer, cook and trivia/spelling bee hostess, living it up in North Portland.
This entry was posted in Pointless Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Social Impairment: a problem in need of a telethon

  1. Herm says:

    Is it contagious? Or genetic?

  2. Jen Donnelly says:

    I’ll take one shirt, and I’d like the rest of my contribution to go the RedMolly Wine Fund. I am so with you on this one… my big worry is people think I’m snobby, when I’m merely inept.

  3. Janelle says:

    I’d comment, but…well, you know. Never mind, ignore me, I’ll just sit over here. Forget I said anything. Really.

  4. ben says:

    Is this one of those myriad conditions whereby it’s hopelessly funny in others but horribly detrimental when it afflicts you?

  5. sign me up…lifetime membership…and a donation of merlot to the cause

  6. RedMolly says:

    Is this one of those myriad conditions whereby it’s hopelessly funny in others but horribly detrimental when it afflicts you?

    You mean like Tourette’s?

  7. *sigh* I definitely have this. I think I overanalyze things too much. Or maybe people really DO dislike me. 😛

  8. Lori V. says:

    Molly, I remember now why I always loved visiting your blog! Sign me up for the Premium Membership package… of the blog AND the SI Support and Supper Club! LOL

  9. azureavian says:

    and here i just thought i was paranoid, when all the while i was correct!

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