I may have found the solution to all my problems

Problem #1: too much to do, too little time to do it, too freakin’ exhausted all the freakin’ time

Problem #2: shoulders and back irrevocably tweaked; can’t sleep ’cause it hurts

Solution: a double IV drip, one of caffeine (or, heck, Provigil) and one of Ambien (or, heck, chamomile tea). The Ambien goes in my right arm, because I sleep on the right side of the bed and have ample room for an IV stand between my bed and the wall. The caffeine goes in my left arm, because if it went in the right arm the tube would get all wrapped around my fingers and interfere with efficient mousing behavior.

I’m also wondering if heroin would be an effective twofer problem-solver. At the least, it would completely negate Problem #2 and probably make me completely cease to care about Problem #1. And that way I’d need only one IV stand cluttering up my house. Simplify, simplify.


About Molly Newman

Writer, cook and trivia/spelling bee hostess, living it up in North Portland.
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3 Responses to I may have found the solution to all my problems

  1. Jen Donnelly says:

    I hear Vicodin is the perfect compromise.

  2. azureavian says:

    you don’t want ambien. it makes you do evil things in your sleep, and you can’t even remember them to enjoy them.

  3. Lori V. says:

    You’d better be glad I wasn’t drinking anything, because I would definitely be mad at you if I had to snort tea or cola out my nose! And, I’m totally with ya on both counts. My frustration is that I can’t sleep because my mind simply refuses to succumb to the “off” command… GRRRRR!

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